Tuesday, December 29, 2009

2009 - You Gotta Have Faith

    My birthday (which happens to be tomorrow) falls in that mellow, post-Christmas/pre-New Year group of days that tend to blur together and be less than memorable. I typically get all melancholy, reflecting back on the past year and contemplating the year to come.
     I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions as they tend to be forgotten by mid-January. Honestly, I think the only people who benefit from these resolutions are gym owners, who get a pile of new sign-ups and hope to heck they'll never show up at the gym from February onwards.  I prefer, instead, to set sail into the year with a few intentions which I tweak and adjust throughout the year.
     This past year has been about faith. As I sat on a Mexican beach a year ago tomorrow, contemplating my 40th birthday and my barely pregnant belly, I set the intention to be kind to myself and others throughout the year, but to be especially kind to myself (and not get stressed or ill) during my pregnancy.
     I realized I would have to have faith in myself, others, and God to see me through. It wasn't easy and there were plenty of lapses but somehow, I managed to have faith that it would all work out alright for everyone, during what turned out to be a pretty challenging year.
     I kept the faith through my high-risk, miraculous pregnancy. I leaned on it through downsizings at work, and during times when I wondered about the security of my job. When we had a genetics scare for our unborn baby, I clung to the faith of friends who held steadfast while I was wavering. I survived a high-stakes professional game of "chicken" in the workplace because I had faith that it would be a win-win for everyone, and it was. I had faith in the safety of my brother who did significant business travel around the globe this year, and his trips were successful, interesting experiences, and thankfully safe ones. I had faith that loved ones who passed away this year (and there were quite a few, unfortunately) had gone on to a better place and that somehow, their survivors would find comfort and peace. We are still struggling through these losses, but with faith are managing somehow. I had faith my work would be covered off successfully during my maternity leave and it seems to be going just fine, better than expected, actually.
     The big one for me was having faith in Lauren's safe arrival. I had to believe it was all going to work out, that it was really going to happen for us, despite all kinds of nasty medical situations in the past, some of them quite harrowing. It took quite a bit of faith to be cautiously optimistic rather than pessimistic and scared. As the weeks passed and the danger-zone of 32-33 weeks approached, I braced myself and kept the faith. Those weeks passed without incident. At 38 weeks, Dr. Nick joked with me I'd be begging for induction, and I started to wonder if I'd be able to cope through labour, having had a c-section with Austin. 2 days later I felt the dreaded symptoms of HELLP syndrome and as we headed for the hospital, I held onto my faith that it would all be fine and both Lauren and I would be safe.
     On July 26, at 10:24 a.m., Lauren arrived via c-section, a healthy, gorgeous little girl. It was truly a "moment of being" as Kim would call it and my life changed in that moment. Despite my dangerous medical condition, I did well, recovered, and bounced back surprisingly quickly. All, I believe, because I had faith.
     The balance of the year has been a blur but full of minor faith-testing moments. Helping Austin through little challenges. Getting through the sleep-deprivation phase of post-partum recovery. Dealing with bureaucracies in government and the Catholic church to resolve issues. Staying involved at work without getting too involved. Watching my bank account dwindle but knowing maternity leave is a once-in-a-lifetime-never-to-be-back-again thing. Growing in faith through joining the moms' group at church. Helping friends and family through tough times. Reaching out to others, with the faith of "being a friend to have a friend." Starting my blog. Dear reader, while you've only been along for a short ride with me, I hope 2009 was good to you and during the tough times you managed through it just fine too.
     Next: Looking forward and setting intentions for 2010.

1 comment:

  1. Very well written Elaine. I am so happy and proud of you. May 2010 bring more joy and happiness for you and your family.