Day 7 of Self-Discipline Challenge

     I definately exercised self-discipline yesterday, primarily in the area of emotional and verbal self-control. At work, I have been doing damage-control and being very diplomatic while an employee "situation" which never should have happened has been unfurling and unravelling over the past few days. As always, I am in the uncomfortable position between a rock and a hard place, navigating a land mine while trying to push a rope uphill. The invisible duct-tape keeping me from verbally unloading is the realization that I can't control anyone else's behaviours, and ultimately, they are accountable for outcomes of events they create.
     In the afternoon, I had some medical appointments to take care of and decided to be early rather than stressed out and late for them. In preparation for a scheduled surgery later this month (nothing serious!), I had to swing by the surgeon's office to pick up my hospital prep package, then head off to my 3:30 pre-admitting appointment at the hospital. En route to the hospital, I realized I was 45 minutes early. Self-discipline was exercised in not stopping off at Ikea (across the road from the hospital, how convenient!) to kill some time, because I knew one can shop fast there but getting through the cashier lines is a whole other exercise in self-control and patience. So I headed to the GO Station parking lot (thus dodging the hospital's crazy parking rates), parked, and headed in early to my appointment.
     I was all ready to sweet-talk the nurse into taking me early, when she advised me I was right on time. Apparently I was booked for 3:00, however, the surgeon's secretary had told me 3:30. Forget being late, had I been on time I would have missed my appointment. Cripes. Good thing I was early. All went well and it wasn't too bad, despite having to go for blood tests in the lab. I didn't even faint this time.
     The ultimate demonstration of self-discipline, the piece de resistance, however, occurred at dinner last night. After a trying week and promises to myself that there would be wine at dinner (oh yes, there will be wine!), when we got up this morning, I remarked to Cameron how odd it was that we drank less than a bottle of wine last night. While I claim this is self-discipline, I suspect on my part it was just plain exhaustion and not wanting to have wine flu the next day. The kicker, however, was I still woke up with a headache this morning. How is that fair?
     At any rate, today I've knocked a few things off my list of things I don't want to do but have to, and am waist-deep in organizing our linen closet. Sounds simple but if you saw the explosion of bedding, tablecloths and one facecloth for every child in America, you wouldn't believe it all fit in there in the first place. All I want to know, aside from the meaning of life, is what exactly is the right way to fold a fitted sheet?

Self-Discipline Challenge - Day 5 check in

     I'm 5 days into my "self-discipline challenge" and I'm feeling kind of "meh" about my progress. First the good news - I've gotten through some yuckaroo tasks:

• cleaned the cache of horrors under Lauren's high-chair seat cushion
• filed the 2009 T5500 (cross referencing T5558) to the IRS, for my company's 401(k) (In plain English: boring, necessary, complicated paperwork for the U.S. government)
• signed Austin up for Cub Scouts
• exercised patience while ensuring Austin's guitar practice occurred
• accomplished some gift shopping for 2 kids' birthdays and a business event

     I am, however, disappointed and a bit concerned about my performance vis-a-vis being able to get out of bed in the morning. My Day 2 commitment (and the only commitment I set for that day) was to only hit the 'snooze' button once. An hour later and close to 8 snooze whacks later, it plain did not happen. Same story for Day 4 and Day 5. What's worse is our persistent and at times annoying cat is my back-up alarm clock, nipping and poking my chin incessantly from the sound of that first "beep" of the day. You'd think I'd say "to hell with it" and get up, rather than pulling the covers over my head and hoping the cat would go bother Cameron instead.
     Ah, but what about Day 3 you ask? Well, Day 3 was no problem because I was anxious to see an article in the Globe & Mail, in which I'd been interviewed and my family photographed with respect to breaking news about medical breakthrough for Pre-Eclampsia.  Admittedly, pulling off the interview and photoshoot on virtually no notice was definately a sign of commitment on my part, but I find it worrisome that it takes a media event to get me out of bed on time. It was all for a good cause, the Pre-Eclampsia Foundation, so I'll cut myself some slack and give myself kudos that I managed to get up on time once this week.
     Tomorrow I will try again to take my alarm clock seriously. And the darn cat. Maybe she can get me out of bed on time. Truly, the ultimate test of self-descipline boils down to "Can I get up in the morning?" Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Self-Discipline Challenge - Day 1

     I've often wondered what results I'd get if I actually followed through and did the things I know I ought to, rather than making excuses and fluffing these things off. I'm referring to getting up early (versus after an hour's worth of hitting the 'snooze' button) and working out, going to church, getting the house organized, getting together with friends and family (versus "We should do lunch soon...") etc.
     My friend S. is the most disciplined person I know. I'm not sure if it's her personality or her policing background that created this characteristic in her, but she is definately someone who Gets Stuff Done. Her house is organized and decorated (versus mine still painted builder's white after 8 years), the family schedule is full of interesting activities, she is in fantastic shape, has a busy and illustrious career, and gets up at 5:00 a.m. to bake muffins for her family. As Bree VanDerCamp as this sounds, there is nothing Stepford about her and she's as real and passionate as they come. Compared to S., I am a serious slacker.
     Yesterday, as I moved at tortoise speed due to a mild touch of wine flu, accomplishing nothing on my to-do list, I decided I would challenge myself to 21 days (that's how long it takes to make or break a habit) of self-discipline. This doesn't mean driving myself into the ground with impossible expectations and burnout looming on the horizon. Rather, I would make a handful of commitments to myself to keep each day. A long list of "to-do's" that can't be accomplished is not realistic or self-supporting. I also decided it would be important to make some self-care and me-time commitments for the list as well, so it's not just all work, no play. And, I also decided a few mulligans would be made available for the extreme cases where I just didn't have it in me to make it happen. Ideally, I will use no more than 1 mulligan per week. So I've got a few 'outs' to keep things comfortable. Us slackers need outs as a safety net!
     So my commitments for today were to get up, work out in the gym, shower, wash my hair, shave my legs (I hate shaving my legs and you wouldn't believe the excuses or disguises I use to get away with long periods between leg scrapings), take the kids to church, get some laundry done today, and finish cleaning up our dining room. It was a fight to get out of bed rather than rolling over, when Cam got up to feed Lauren her breakfast. But I did it, made it downstairs to the gym, and actually worked out. And it was a real workout, not just schlumping along on the treadmill, watching t.v., pretending to break a sweat. Proudly checked off the entire showering checklist.
     The challenge was in getting to church. Austin will easily go to the Catholic church, however, I wanted to attend my church, affectionately known in our house as the "rock 'n' roll" church, which is more of a relaxed community-based congregation and an approach based more on content than on ritual. As I felt the excuses welling up inside me (I don't want to argue with Auz, it looks like rain, Lauren will miss her nap) I reminded myself of my commitment  and went anyhow. Lauren went into the nursery no problem ("Hey, more people to party with! Great!"), but Austin was teary and nervous (doesn't like new situations) and had to remain with me until his pals Ben and Luke showed up. The after-church recap from Auz was that despite the video games, movie ("lame"), floor hockey, Lego, and basketball, he'd rather sit through the service at the Catholic church than whoop it up at Rock'n'Roll church Sunday school. Auz is truly a man who sticks to his convictions. Lauren, on the other hand, wouldn't leave the nursery and kept trying to crawl back in when I was trying to sign her out.  Me, I had a lovely experience, re-connected with some of my MOPS moms' group acquaintances, and enjoyed the music, the service, and the company around me.
     The laundry is started, so I can say that commitment is under way. Of course I'll have to follow through and remember to fold and put away the clean clothes, which is 75% of the battle for me. Our dining room has been the defacto storage area for all our basement items while we renovated the basement. Trunks, Rubbermaid totes, renovation receipts, and numerous tchotchkes await me to deal with them. I'm off to get that done, so I can sit, relax, and read a book guilt free. I realize it's only day one and there are rocky roads ahead, but I think I can say I'm off to a good start in keeping my commitments.

Grocery Shopping - Saving vs. Sanity

     Tonight I stopped off at No Frills to pick up some groceries on the way home. It's been a while since I've darkened the door of The Frill, as I've been shopping at our neighbourhood Sobeys instead. On my way out, as I looked at my $70.00 No Frills bill and estimated it would have cost easily $90.00 - $100.00 at Sobeys, I couldn't help but wonder, what's the dollar value of a pleasant grocery shopping experience?
     No Frills used to be my regular grocery store. Their produce is fresh, they have all the great No-Name and President's Choice products I love, and it's a cheap place to shop. And, of course, there's my admiration for Galen Weston, but that's a whole other story for another time. Lately, however, the downside of The Frill has caused me to pay premium prices at Sobeys.
     Let's compare: At No Frills, based on their clientele demographic, you have to deposit a quarter for your cart. At Sobeys, you have your choice of 3 cart sizes (regular, mini, and "shopper in training" kids' carts) and no deposit is required. At No Frills, navigating through the store is a bit of a competitive event with the occasional unpleasant outburst. One time I saw two women come to fisticuffs in the meat department. It was an eye-opener for me and it answered my question about what comes next after someone sucks their teeth at another woman. Quite the sociological cultural study event while grabbing some grocs. But, I digress.  At Sobeys, I look forward to (figuratively) running into friends from the neighbourhood, which is great for socializing while shopping, but not so great when you're a fright with no makeup, schlumpy clothes, and bedhead. This look, by the way, is more common among Frills shoppers.
     Sobeys has a deli counter. No Frills doesn't. Sobeys has cookie club. The only free cookies at No Frills are the ones that get shoplifted. As frivolous as these little perks seem, deli samples, free cookies, and of course, the lobster tank all provide the kind of mid-shop entertainment my kids need to keep my sanity.
     The prices at Sobeys, as I alluded previously, are considerably higher for the most part. Tonight at The Frill, I picked up some Lean Cuisines for $1.99 each, which would most likely cost $3.00+ at Sobeys. A family pack of pork chops was $6.25, compared to $8.00 - $9.00 at Sobeys. A triple pack of baby wipes refills for $3.99, typically runs about $6.00 at Sobeys. I'm not sure what they'd cost at Sobeys but my $0.77 head of romaine lettuce, $0.87 English cucumber, $1.77 bag of bagels, and $0.47 can of tomato paste all struck me as bargoons.
     I think the heart of the matter is how much stress you're prepared to put up with while doing groceries. While I was in No Frills during the evening rush, I didn't have the kids with me, so the crazies running around with their carts were a source of entertainment to me rather than antagonization. Bagging my own groceries was no big deal, because no one was trying to climb out of the cart or leave the store without me. I didn't need to take anyone to the fish counter to threaten them with a fish with its face still on for dinner, if they didn't behave. I kind of missed saying "hi" to the lobsters but I enjoyed hearing a loud exchange between a daughter and her elderly mother, with their lyrical West Indian accents and colloquial grammar. It was quite endearing and I am always a sucker for a foreign accent.
     So I have to say, if I can hold it together and put up with the nonsense, especially with my children in tow, an extra $20-30 saved at No Frills is worth it. Sometimes, however, our time, sanity, and relationships with our kids requires making the call to spend the extra dough and have a far more pleasant experience. As I always say, experiences are everything and we need to honour ourselves and our kids sometimes by saying "We're worth it."

The Simple Life

     I'm in a space right now where I'm trying to figure out who I am, what I'm doing, and what I want. I wouldn't call it a mid-life crisis; it's more of a mid-point check in. Until recently I've been running at top speed going and doing, but never pausing to think about being. With the best intentions, I gave of myself to the point of being on auto-pilot and no longer having a voice. A complete crash and burn, hysterical freak-out woke me up and helped me to articulate that this was not working and that immediate changes were necessary.
     Over the past few months, I've been working on saying "no", asking for help (rather than being the control freak who has to manage everything perfectly), and using my voice to say what needs to be said, including "Be quiet, I'm speaking here. I will give you a chance but first hear me out." In doing this, I have started to find time and space to reflect and think about what I want, what my priorities are, and what needs to be let go. The more I do this, I realize that simplicity is key in this complicated, high-speed world.
     Pretty ironic, coming from me, the Queen of Complicated. Not to be confused with 'high maintenance', which refers to behaviours, my complications stem from conditions and situations that either pre-exist or have been created by myself or others when I've allowed them. Complications in pregnancies, complicated family situations, complicated workplace dynamics, complicated religious backgrounds, complicated schedules, complicated renovations, recipes, and arrangements. Ask me a question that anyone else would respond to with a straight answer, and I'll always start my commentary with, "Well, there's a bit of a story..."
     Because all this can be quite exhausting, it has become important, no, necessary, for me to start simplifying the heck out of everything else in my life. Aside from decluttering and organizing our home, slowing down, observing, and savouring the immediate moment are things I'm learning to do and enjoy. For example, I took a vacation day from work today for some "me time". I read a book while drinking coffee in the sunshine, savoured an al-fresco lunch of flavourful of farm-fresh egg omelette and tomatoes, and spent some time admiring my tidy house courtesy of our house-cleaner.
     I do recognize there is a price tag attached to all of these - time away from work, the 2 kids in daycare (my guilt eliminated by the eldest asking to go there today, and knowing me-time is important because if Mama ain't happy, ain't no one happy), and the financial cost of someone else cleaning the house. But it's worth it, and for me, necessary. Things are less complicated this way and I am a believer in spending more on experiences than I spend on things. Not to say money buys happiness - I know a very wealthy individual who, in the pursuit of happiness, finds joy in destroying others' self esteem. The core of what I'm getting at is pausing to be present in the moment, breathe deeply, and have gratitude for the people, experiences, and good things like health, in one's life.
     In my search for simplicity, I write more, I think more, I listen to music and stare out the window a lot, enjoying "our garden across the road" in my neighbours' yard, and I find in this I am starting to figure things out. The dots are starting to connect and while I don't have a plan, I am starting to have an inkling of what I enjoy, what's going on my bucket list, and what I might want to try doing. A cup of tea, the cat curled in the sun, trees rustling, these are priceless, simple things. An uncomplicated situation - I couldn't ask for anything more, and in this, I am content.
  

Cheap Entertainment - An Ode to Kingston Road

     The Scarborough section of Kingston Road is not only my regular commute route, but is a major source of sightseeing entertainment for what would otherwise be repetitive to-ing and fro-ing on weekdays. The section I see most, from the bridge over the Rouge River valley to St. Clair, if it were a person, would be that slutty, edgy girl we whispered about in high school. She's a fast ride, flashy but not pretty, kinda dirty, and although you'll go there, you don't want to be seen by anyone. Try as you might to have better success with her classier sister, the 401, Highway 2's way easier.
     It's the contrasts and the unexpected that provide the shock-value entertainment. It's a reality tv buffet as you drive along. The gentrified West Hill types live on the edge of denial and a stone's throw from a raft of hourly-rate motels, such as the Howard Johnson's, posing as an "inn" and the Maple Leaf Motel with its "Honeymoon Special". The Starbucks patio is dotted with chain-smoking, Tim Horton's cup-toting folk who you can tell from an intersection away are not the usual "Bux" demographic. There is a brazen scrabbling for survival evident all around. Skinny hookers pretend to hitch-hike. I was initially puzzled by their broad-daylight business model, until I realized opportunity knocks for these ladies 24/7, not just at night.
     The businesses along the way offer insight as well. The Decent Funiture store (no, that's not a typo) offers dinnet (again, not a typo) sets and mattresses. Surprisingly, Crack Master is a glass repair shop, which I suppose makes sense, although I tend to alternate between images of a drug dealer and that of a big ol' plumber butt. The Loan Arranger is a car dealership, most likely for folks with more concerns about money than what kind of vehicle they need.  Spas on this stretch are not anything like Ste. Anne's. Blinds drawn, their signs tout "European Attendants" rather than listing manicures/pedicures, waxing etc. I suspect the only waxing going on is that of someone's Johnson. Off-Track Betting, the bank where a police horse was shot dead a few years ago, the Buddhist temple that was firebombed twice last year; there are stories being told all along this street, every second of the day.
     Don't get me wrong, it's not all seedy. Consider the sea of tulips planted alongside the road, by a group of homeowners in Orchard Park, seemingly for the enjoyment of the commuters. And some of Toronto's best audio video retailers are found along this stretch. G & G Electronics and Musonic both do booming businesses, pardon the pun. Indeed, there are pockets of normal, including Guildwood where as newlyweds, my husband and I lived in a nice condo right on Kingston Road. And there are signs of improvement, lots of townhome developments and positive changes, although I would require some persuasion to buy one of the end units in the thick of the action. Hopefully the family scene depicted on the builder's bill-board will play out for the soon-to-be occupants of this development, in harmony with their ghetto-fabulous Galloway neighbours. Ice cream cones and wide-open-mouth smiles all around for everyone. But hey, if Habitat For Humanity can successfully build and integrate a mixed Protestant/Catholic neighbourhood in Northern Ireland, anything is possible here.
     Occasionally I'll see regular folk walking their dogs or out for a run, but other times I'll see helmet-less, cigarette-smoking young men on bicycles, riding along the sidewalks, dressed like Trailer Park Boys cliches. I fight the urge to yell out the window, "Wear a helmet and get off the sidewalk!" Better to mind my own business, you don't know how someone might react.
     As traffic slows, my automatic reflex always is to hit the "door locks" button. Looking beyond the vehicles of fellow Kingston Road commuters, I scan the faces at the bus stop. We are all doing the same thing. We wait patiently, we commute wearily, cautiously optimistic and hopeful for better things for ourselves and our families. We're not so different after all. 
    
    
    

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

Yes, I am totally showing my age, quoting a  Pantene commercial from the 80's. I was trying to think of a cute title for this entry, which is a smattering of beauty tips, as suggested by Chelo, a style icon in my office. So, in no particular order:

• Save your money on eye-makeup remover. Having used hotel bottles of hand cream for years as my makeup remover, I'm now "splurging" on Avon eye-makeup remover, which is currently on sale for $0.99/bottle from Peggy, my friendly neighbourhood Avon lady. Of course full price is around $3.00 so still not expensive. Steer clear of the $25 department store removers. Far too expensive. Either that, or if that's all that works for you, consider the cleaning products aisle in the grocery store instead. Just kidding. Don't do that but you get the point.
• More of a hair-saver than a money-saver - don't wash your hair every day unless it absolutely needs it. As a blonde who is processed within an inch of her life, if I were to shampoo frequently, I would be sporting a frizzy mop rather than my fairly healthy tresses. I'm not suggesting you walk around with dirty hair, but really consider whether the wash can wait another day. You can also cheat a bit with baby powder stroked through your roots to soak up excess oil, but make sure you don't leave streaks of white powder on your face or people will wonder about you.
• Never use soap on your face. Use a proper cleanser, or you will wind up spending way more than you need on anti-aging products and maybe cosmetic procedures down the road after you've dried out your face with soap.
• Shave your legs with baby oil rather than spending money on shaving lotions or shaving foam. And while you're at it, a good razor will do. There is no need for one of those quadruple blades with moisturizer heads in girly colours and goddess commercials on t.v.
• Buy your cotton balls at the dollar store.
• Spend your money on moisturizers, creams, etc. You can save using drugstore brands but don't feel too guilty splurging on moisturizing and protecting your skin.
• Wear sunscreen. Always. All year. I like to use a tinted moisturizer with sunscreen in it. Pretty much every cosmetic brand has this in their line, and you get a smooth look while protecting your face from sun damage. I like the Neutrogena ones, and the Sonia Kashuk ones.
• Alternate between nail shop manis/pedis, and DIY ones at home. While we all enjoy the relaxation and benefit from a good foot scraping, odds are you are quite capable to do it yourself and your nail polish collection may be nicer than at the nail shop.
• Don't wear cheap perfume. Ever.
• Eat properly, exercise, and get proper rest. You are only as beautiful on the outside as what you feed yourself on the inside. And be nice - mean people are ugly on the inside and on the outside.

So there's the quick and dirty list. And I'll leave you with another beauty quote from the past. In the early 90's, supermodel Linda Evangelista was quoted as saying, "I don't get out of bed for less than 10 thousand dollars." Now that's champagne taste!